The divorce has been finalized and there you are sitting on your couch watching another sitcom about a new-age family when the thought crosses your mind: Why not go online?
For some men dating sites are seen as relinquishing the primal urge to hunt for a mate; the sense of struggle we receive from the chase that lets us know she’s worth our commitment. But like many things, modernity has obscured our instinct and instead replaced it with convenience and efficiency. The 1950’s required hand-written letters and flowered arrivals, but the 2000’s seem to be about Facebook, retweeting, and the perfect text response. The online age can be a massive change for a newly single man looking to date. Here are a few tips to help navigate the online dating world.
  1. Truth Be Told: You are an honest guy, so don’t post the photo of you in your college bathing suit if you no longer resemble that strapping of a stud. Find a nice digital photo of you smiling and enjoying your life. Your age, city, status as a divorcee, number of kids, job title, and interests should all represent you. There is a major crisis of confidence among some men about their standing in life, don’t be that guy. Understand that you have the wisdom (and scars) of a long time relationship and truth can be just as sexy as fake abs and a spray-on tan. Even if you know that your existence is a bit tough to sell, remember that we are all a little screwed up.
  2. Modesty is the Best Policy: Yes, honesty was one, but please Heaven don’t get Jersey Shore about your possessions. Even if you value them as a representation of your hard work, you should keep from flaunting them online. Some men have chosen to lean against their car in their online profile shot, or not-so-discreetly feature their $10k wristwatch. This cock-assuredness will get you results, but not from women with long term compatibility. Play it bland and play it honest. Women love surprises, so if you have a beautiful Paneri why not wait until date three or four and throw her for a loop? Fail to do so and your shiny piece of bait will only attract a woman with a large shovel and impish heart.
  3. Email is Sexy Again (Kinda): There was a time when the thought of meaningful interpersonal communication coming online was thought impossible. Work emails are the reality, but in a world that is tweeting, Facebooking, and texting, a long form email has appeal. You can offer more thoughts than could ever be found in 140 characters and when well-written you can express desires in a medium that is comfortable to both you and your date. If done well email can be the equivalent of letter writing, it can display an uncommon effort to communicate and connect – which many women find romantic and appealing. However, remember to separate those complexities from your text and Facebooking, which are still useful as less formal and sometimes more public forms of communication.
  4. Try, Try Again: There are dozens of dating sites offering users the opportunity for several types of relationship connections. Sites like and are meant for finding a long term mate. Others, like is for a niche audience, like those interested in working out as a couple. You’ll need to do some research to find out about each site and what they offer. Match and others have a guarantee of companionship that buffers first-time users who might be watching the pocketbook. Just be certain you are committed to putting your best image forward.

No matter the service or companion, the most important thing to remember is that confidence, not conceit, is attractive. Losing a partner is difficult, you might be struggling with trust issues and personal matters on a daily basis, but finding a new partner is less about springing old drama on new flesh as it is an opportunity to realize your expectations with a fresh face. The road to recovery can be troubled but maintaining a positive, confident outlook online and off is always most important.